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Year's End

O LOVE BEYOND COMPARE,

Thou art good when thou givest,
   when thou takest away,
   when the sun shines upon me,
   when night gathers over me.
Thou hast loved me before the foundation of the world,
   and in love didst redeem my soul;
Thou dost love me still,
   in spite of my hard heart, ingratitude, distrust.
Thy goodness has been with me during another year,
   leading me through a twisting wilderness,
   in retreat helping me to advance,
   when beaten back making sure headway.
Thy goodness will be with me in the year ahead;
I hoist sail and draw up anchor,
With thee as the blessed Pilot of my future as of my past.

I bless thee that thou hast veiled my eyes to the waters ahead.
If thou hast appointed storms of tribulation, thou wilt be with me in them;
If I have to pass through tempests of persecution and temptation, I shall not drown;
If am to die, I shall see thy face the sooner;
If a painful end is to be my lot, grant me grace that my faith fail not;
If am to be cast aside from the service I love, I can make no stipulation;
Only glorify thyself in me whether in comfort or trial,
   as a chosen vessel meet always for thy use.


THE VALLEY OF VISION
A Collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions
(I highly recommend this little black book!)

Happy Halloween!

I'm a couple days late with this post (which seems to be the overall theme for my blog). Apparently I forgot to hit "publish" the other day!  I've been cleaning up all of the glitter and candy apple pieces from my floor before my Lila 'vacuums' them all up for me.....sweet reminders of what a blessing it is to host our community group in our home every week. (Somehow, I didn't manage to get a single picture!).  We did take Lila trick or treating to the houses on our street. It was a really great way to meet all of our neighbors, and we ended up bringing back a bucket full of candy :) I've had so much fun seeing everyone else's pictures of their kiddos all dressed up, so I'm posting a few of my little snowman (mostly for the grandparents). Happy Halloween!

Field Trip!

After Lila's 9 month doctors visit, we rewarded her with a trip to our local pumpkin patch. We weren't sure how much of it she'd be interested in, but we had a Groupon so we figured we'd give it a shot. 

Our first stop was the small petting zoo area. She was interested in the goats until they tried to eat the bows on her shoe. The bunnies were more what she was looking for. She was cautious at first, but then grabbed a large chunk of fur. (Sorry bunnies!) 

We left the petting zoo and made a pit stop at the photo-op. You were really confused about why we wanted you to look through the cut-out, but you were a good sport.

The corn crib seemed to be a popular place with all the kiddos, but when you started to sink into the corn you were D-O-N-E. Maybe next year.

It didn't help that you were teething and being a little sensitive about Mommy leaving you in strange places.  The cotton crib proved to be more interesting to you anyway.

We left the cotton crib and went on a hayride. You were starting to get sleepy, but loved riding in the trailer and walking around the pumpkin patch with your daddy.

We spent a couple more minutes with the pumpkins, and then headed home (and you took the longest nap).  We can't wait to go back again next year!

Sorry for the picture overload!

Month by Month: 9 months

....Looks like I better post your 9 month update before you turn 10 months very shortly....

This post has been sitting in my draft box for quite some time. Allow me to show you what has prevented me from posting the update...

You have discovered on your own how to properly turn around and slide yourself down from any chair. I have no idea how you figured this out, but it means that you never.ever.sit.still. Thus, the 9 Month picture has eluded us. 

Moving on...

You are now in size 3 diapers and mostly 6-9 month clothes, although you're still comfortably fitting into some size 3 month dresses.

You have discovered that yelling into a cup magnifies the sound, so every empty cup results in yelling.

You are now in the big bath tub. Sometimes you enjoy just playing with your bath toys, and other times you insist on exploring the rest of the tub. You're a mess.

You rode a carousel for the first time. You just woke up from a long nap in your stroller, and your Daddy took you right onto the carousel. I'm not sure you knew what was going on for a while. Instead of looking out, you looked straight at your Daddy for half of the ride. 

You're obsessed with looking out the window. I have sweet little handprints and mouth marks on all of our windows and mirrors that are within your reach.

You can not stay awake in the car if our trip is longer than 10 minutes. We enjoy watching you wiggle and talk to yourself to try to stay awake. Eventually your eyes get heavy, and you're gone.

You've started eating puffs now, but you still prefer to chew on Mum-Mum crackers. You don't love baby food unless it's banana mixed with anything. You'd prefer to eat something you can gnaw on...despite the fact that you still have no teeth. I don't understand how this is possible since it feels like you've been teething for months now.

Things you do 'on command':

give big, open mouthed kisses

shaking your head, "no"

play 'peek a boo' when we ask, "Where's Lila?"

wave hello or goodbye (only when you're in the mood to)

You had your first sick visit to the pediatricians office. You woke up one morning with a fever and a rash. The pediatrician confirmed that it was Roseola (a viral rash). You had a fever for one day and a poor little rash that hung around for 5 days. Although it broke my heart, it didn't slow you down a bit.

We love you little bit! You're developing such a personality now, and it's so fun to interact with you everyday. I think back to the days when I thought you'd never roll over....and now changing your diaper is a wrestling match. How time flies!

When Motherhood Hurts

I always hesitate to post something that's just a 'copy and paste' of someone else's blog, but this topic continues to pervade my conversations with friends. I think we're all just struggling to figure out how to encourage and minister to one another, and I feel like Kate Conner has just put my emotions on virtual paper. I'm re-posting her words here for all of my sweet friends who are struggling to survive with newborns, juggling strong willed toddlers, and for those who are still earnestly praying to conceive. I love you all.

WHEN MOTHERHOOD HURTS

original link HERE

Yesterday morning I was sitting on a long sheet of white paper, waiting for my OBGYN to come in and let me hear my tiny baby’s heartbeat for the very first time, when I got a text message from my friend:

“I’m either having a miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy.  I’m sorry, I just couldn’t call.  Please pray for us this morning.”

Before I could respond, my doctor came in.

So I sat, listening to the strong, healthy heartbeat of the baby we didn’t plan – the baby we were trying not to have – while one of my best friends sat, hundreds of miles away, bleeding.

I scheduled an ultrasound to determine the sex of our third child; she went into surgery to have the ectopic pregnancy removed.

In that moment everything about motherhood seemed arbitrary and upside down and unfair.

Perhaps the most unfair thing of all is that my friend is not the exception.  Neither are my 6 friends that have miscarried in the last couple of years.  Neither are my 2 friends who are battling infertility.  Neither are my 3 friends who are waiting for adoptions to go through.  Neither is my friend who had an unplanned pregnancy, and just as she was getting through the fear and into the love, lost the baby.  Neither are my dozens of friends who have heard the words, “It’s anencephaly.”  ”It’s cerebral palsy.”  ”It’s autism.”

Neither am I – even I who have easy pregnancies, easy deliveries, and healthy babies.

Two unplanned pregnancies: two rounds of fear, and “I’m not ready,” and “My life will never be the same.”  And one very hard day when a doctor told me, “There is no treatment; she will never see like you and I can see.”

Thinking about it all, I went back and re-read a chapter of Shauna Niequist's Bittersweet called “Eight for Eight.”  It is all I’ve been able to think about for the last twenty four hours.

Motherhood is the most beautiful, transformative, sacred thing I’ve ever done.  I would choose it again every single time, forever.  But some days – it sure does hurt.

“…And then I realize that as much as I want my friend Jenny’s abs, she wants a baby, and we’re all yearning for something.

When I take a step back, I’m surprised to realize that the topic of pregnancy and birth and mothering, for every single one of us, has been touched with pain or just a shade of heartache.  The odds of that surprise me.  Eight women, and eight stories of waiting or yearning, of brokenness mixed in with deep delight.  If we’re a microcosm, is this how it is?  We’re eight normal women, if normal exists in this or any realm.  And one by one, eight for eight, one or another aspect of motherhood has pricked us and made us bleed.

…As for my dear friends and me, our hearts are full, of course, but also a little tender, bruised, tired.  Motherhood, and the journey towards it, has battered us a little bit, each in our own ways.  From ambivalence to longing to loss, from the anger that our bodies won’t do what we want them to, to the consuming, crushing love for a baby that is just hanging on…Motherhood laughed at our plans, twisted up our expectations, and gave them back to us upside down, covered with blood and stretch marks and Goldfish cracker paste.

We are very thankful, and we adore our children and one another’s children.  But as much as it’s beautiful, the process is a little harrowing.  Who knew we could want something so badly and then not be able to just wrestle it into existence?  Who knew we could want to provide something so desperately for our children, to heal and protect them, but find ourselves profoundly unable?  The stakes have gone up in our lives, the way they do, it seems, every time you decide to love something.”

[Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet, 2010]

And oh, how we love them.